modernpirate-mp:

Letters, I get letters….. I cannot lay claim to the words which follow,.  That will be obvious to those in tune, as I am not a submissive….Duh… My commentary is is after.

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Dear Self,

You tried dating, and met nothing but disappointment for years. All your
relationships failed, to a point where you consistently asked yourself
why you could not get yourself to adjust. Even before you knew a world
like this existed, ‘vanilla relationships’ were not enough for you. Your
Tumblr account was not supposed to lead you to a world like this – it
was there for nights when you were left deeply unsatisfied, wondering if
it’s a ‘sex-addiction’, whether you’re emotionally or physically
damaged in some way, a way to make yourself cum and then move on. And
slowly, you traveled down this strange, strange rabbit hole finding
circumstances that brought not only fascination, but a strange feeling
of contentment. You watched videos of submission, read articles about
the dynamic, saw photos that not only made you orgasm, but inspired you.
Becoming lost in such a world is so easy.  And one night, you re-blogged
a BDSM inspired photo and all of sudden, your message box has an influx
of others interested, fascinated in this lifestyle. All of a sudden,
you were not alone anymore, your lack of sexual satisfaction in the
multitude of vanilla relationships resonated with others, and you
started to build a repertoire of interesting ‘Doms’ sitting in your
inbox.

The only problem to identify here is that you are no different to the
women (that you’re always shaking your head at) who send in anonymous
asks begging random men on the internet to ‘use them’, to ‘dominate
them’, to ‘fuck them senseless’. You are no different because the world
of relationships has been as disappointing to you as it has been to
them, and that makes you think it is okay to submit to the first man
that comes along and catches your attention. ‘He gets me sexually’ you
tell your friends, as if sex is the only thing you wanted out of this
world. When your ‘Tumblr Dom’ does not message you for days on end
except when he is turned on and desperate, you willingly submit because
you forget that you deserve so much better, that you walked into this
rabbit hole for a reason other than to suffer through sub-drop alone.
Everyday we read about fake Doms, every single day we hear about men who
send women messages of dick-pics and what they’d like to do them.
Submission is earned, but desperation is real, and sometimes it is much
easier to accept the attention you get from a stranger who only wants to
use you as a form of free porn. Better to be dominated for a couple of
hours than to live a lonely life, right? Right?

Wrong. Wrong, because it may be hopelessly romantic to think someday you
will find a Dominant who will know how to own your mind first, then
your body, but isn’t it more hopeless to submit to someone who doesn’t
even want to know your mind, let alone own it? Isn’t it hopeless to
ignore your gut when it tells you something is wrong? Isn’t it hopeless
to believe you are not worth more than that, that your vulnerability and
compassion is not worth more than that?

So this is a reminder, for every single time you think it’s okay to give
your submission out willingly to anyone who will accept it and/or abuse
it. This isn’t a game, this isn’t a cop-out of dealing with your
problems or facing your reality. You do not get to hurt yourself
willingly, by submitting to somebody you know for a fact will hurt you.

Enjoy your exploration but please do not let it destroy you.

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MP Speaks – Dominant Conversations

A distinction must be drawn, dear contributor.  I strongly considered
putting this out for Self Mastery Sunday, but chose today, as the
distinction is one of self satisfaction, fantasy, pretend vs
authenticity.  This is all about what it means to be submissive.  

Mine
is a TPE blog.  I am a TPE Dominant and D/s-M/s is all about the power
exchange in my relationships.  That’s not just about sex and pleasure.  
As many have written before me, kink is how we have sex.  It may also be
within the framework in terms of punishment, consequences, etc, but the
nature is the power exchange in pursuit of daily life.

Play
is play.  Many people of all genders here enjoy the fantasy of D/s-M/s
but are not actually serious about the relationship aspect.  They are
here to get off and they’ll hump your desire, emotions and blog like a
dog on a table leg if you let them.  While they may be D or s in play,
that doesn’t mean they have earned the honorific within a relationship
or the community.  Just because they have self labeled, doesn’t mean
that they are actually a D or s type.  

One of the biggest red
flags everyone must watch for is the rapidity with which interactions
get sexual in nature.  I recall one girl asking me to “Dominate” her the
moment we started chatting.  My simple question was, “How can I?  I
know nothing about you, what your needs, wants, desires, hopes, dreams,
fears and challenges are.”  Some people here are just beginning and
learning.  They know they are drawn to it, they just haven’t figured out
the “how to.” How I responded would stop someone sincere in their
tracks.  For those interested in play, however, the insistence would
likely continue.    

The difference between the ones who are
sincere and the ones who just pretend can be difficult to spot
immediately.  So, go slow. Take your time.  Read and research.  
Understand what Frenzy and Gravity are.  Understand that isolation is
never positive for either D or s, and be ready to acknowledge your
limitations in order to avoid emotion entanglement and hurt.

…isn’t it more hopeless to submit to someone who doesn’t
even want to know your mind, let alone own it?  

Desperation,
fear of being alone, fear of facing reality in what you need in a
relationship, fear of who could actually fulfill that need and
acceptance of all of the above are a good place to begin understanding
yourself and what your submission means to you.  If you want to be
valued, then you must value yourself enough to protect your submission.
I am not saying, at all, that you must be fully aware, fully capable,
fully independent, assertive, self actualized in order to find that
Dominant match.  What I am saying is that you need to guard it as a
treasure, to be given only to one who will take that treasure as their
own, value it, invest in it and make it all the more valuable as you
surrender to him.