I may be unique, but I know I’m not
alone. There are submissives very
similar to me, and submissives much different than I am. We are all shapes, all sizes, all
colors. Our political views span the
spectrum, same as our religious affiliations (or lack thereof). We are mothers, daughters, sisters…
introverts, extroverts, and those that bounce back and forth to either side of
that fence. Some of us are masochists,
some can’t stomach the idea of pain.
Some want to relinquish as much control as possible, and some want to
retain a much larger sense of independence.
Some are career driven, and others want to tend to the home and the
family. So I can’t speak for every
single submissive, in a detailed way, but in my heart I believe that many of
share some fairly substantial common threads.
With that in mind, I wanted to ask the world, and Dominants in
particular, for some things. They don’t
cost money, or impinge on anyone’s rights and freedoms. They aren’t unreasonable, nor are they things
that can, in any sane way, be labeled as reeking of ‘spoiled’ or ‘pampered
princess’. It is simple, really… certain
words and behaviors breed well-being and a healthy interaction, as well as a
healthy spirit. Their counterparts, by
comparison, leave a trail of tears and take bite after progressive bite out of
a person’s sense of self and of having value.
I’m hoping to, in whatever tiny way I might manage, stem the increasing
tide that I see of the latter, and promote growth of the former. I hope you all can help me with this. To that end, I, as a submissive girl (woman),
have a plea…
Be careful with us. That’s it, what the particulars come down to. I could word that in some more poetic or
forceful or complex way, but I think… I think this works. Be CAREFUL.
While there are those who identify as submissive that may not connect
with what I’m about to say, the majority of those that I know do. A submissive is, more often than not, a
creature more tender than others. This
is not to say we are better, by any stretch of the imagination… ‘more tender’
is NOT a bragging right. We feel more deeply, we are damaged by digs to
our vulnerabilities more sharply, and we take longer to heal (when on our own). So please, I am begging… do not be cavalier
with us. Do not wade into waters that
you are unprepared for, not giving thought to the consequences thereof. Perhaps you think that this shouldn’t be your
responsibility, that a submissive should be stronger, more in command,
etc. Well, I’m sure that there are some
that are. But by and large, what you’re
expecting when you have that expectation is contrary to what you say you are
looking for when you seek out a submissive.
Again, I’m not talking about the exceptions. I support ALL submissives, however they are
individually wired. But for a lot of us,
the very part of our wiring that makes us want to kneel at your feet and give
you control? Is the part that leaves us
vulnerable to careless words and behaviors; the part that leaves us less
equipped than many others to slay dragons and conquer the world. We are softer in our hearts, we are wired to
follow the right leader, and us being this way is EXACTLY what makes us a good
fit for YOU, a dominant partner. We are
complementary pieces, each suiting the other in the very oppositeness of our
natures.
This is not a game. Not for me, at least, and not for those wired
as I am. I have (ironically) been chided
for being guarded, for looking closely at the ins and outs of the reality of things
and, most often, proceeding with caution.
I find this rather bizarrely funny, given that the very people scolding
me are often the same ones that talk about wanting a submissive that is also very
independent and able to be fierce out in the world and protect herself, but… be that as it may. This is not easy for me, nor is it my natural
inclination, the donning of my turtle shell and eyeballing everything carefully. More often than not, my squishy submissive
heart wants to throw caution to the wind and simply… go emotionally naked and
unguarded into the arms of the man who SEEMS to be what I have been looking
for. But I have done that. Many times.
Occasionally I still can’t help myself, but by and large? I have learned, as any animal (which we, as
humans, certainly are) does, by way of pain to heart and (sadly) body, to be…
afraid. Men have often not been careful with
me. And numerous men have not simply
been ‘not careful’, which can be almost a benign failure, but actively been
given to what I call ‘malice aforethought’.
They went into the situation, whether it was an evening or an entire
relationship/connection, with the full intent of manipulating me for their own
needs, completely without regard for the hurt it would inflict on me in the
process. Some, in all honesty, actually
LIKED the byproduct of my hurt. They had
an advantage… they were smart enough to know that a submissive heart is often a
very HUNGRY heart. Say the right things,
DO the right things, to give trust a chance to be felt by the submissive, and
there is almost nothing that that woman won’t either endure for or give to
you. Myself, and those like me… there is
nothing about any of this that is light or recreational or surface level pieces
on a chess board where our quest is concerned.
We want that ONE… that partner we can give ourselves to completely, that
we can expose our hearts and minds to, which of course leads to our
bodies. We can, at times, attach more
easily than even we might like, because of that hunger. Perhaps we might, at those times, become
(without awareness) blind to danger signals and red flags. Those that ARE playing games, they count on
this. So again, I beg… please, do not
play a game with me, and those like me.
It’s not that it’s okay to ever play a game with anyone, ever, but right
now I’m dealing specifically with submissives and their well-being.
I need you to be honest with me. I need you to listen to me. I am BESEECHING you… listen to me. If I communicate that I have a need for a
phone call each night before bed, and you can’t stomach the thought (for
whatever reason), do not give lip service to supporting my need, only to berate
me later when the need isn’t being met and I bring it up, telling me that if I
were ‘truly submissive’, I would be doing what it took to make YOU happy, not
be selfishly ‘harping on’ my own unmet needs.
Don’t dismiss the broken agreement as of no consequence, not taking
responsibility for the fact that you knew my need going in, agreed to it, and
then discarded it once you had me firmly in your grasp. This is not being careful with me, or anyone
LIKE me… this is a circumstance in which the pain and damage was so easily
avoided, with simple honesty and forthrightness in the beginning. But as is so often the case, a person can
choose to ignore ‘being careful’ in the interest of fulfilling their own
agenda. I have begged all over this
article, and will happily do so over and over again if it results in even ONE
person having a moment of realization that certain behaviors simply should not
be engaged in. Please, I’m begging you…
don’t put your own short term goals of physical pleasure or ‘access at will’ to
a submissive above her well-being and emotional/physical health. I understand that someone wants physical
release. I do. But to get it via lying and ignoring agreements
made and needs stated? There is a
vileness to that, and it is the submissive that pays the price. Please… just stop.
I have a piece I will be writing in the
next day or two that sort of ties into this, in a way, about my thoughts on why
so many of my submissive sisters and I are looked down on or labeled as ‘weak’,
in part for some of the things I have written about above. I am writing that separately to keep this as
focused as I can, but hopefully, between the two, I will at least give a person
or two a few things to think about. I
believe all growth starts with a simple thought, and spreads from there. This very tiny little concept, that of being
careful with a submissive, may seem to some to be almost not worth writing
about…. a ‘no brainer’, if you will. But
I know how often it happens otherwise, and how frequently injury happens that
so easily could have NOT happened. I
just want… better. Better for myself,
better for other submissives, and better for the community/dynamic as a
whole. I want, and am begging for,
people to look past whatever their momentary desires are and consider the
impact of their words and actions can have upon another.
Is that too much to ask?
– The Girl in the Woman
Sir's submissive 