Month: August 2018
Well, I met a pretty little girl some days ago who complained that none of her lovers have ever tied her up. And she always wanted to see how it’s like. So, I keep imagining this:
“Oh, come on! Why did you stop? I was just about to cum!”
“Well you told me your fantasy, but never asked about mine. Maybe you should have. This is called an ‘edge’.”
“I see. So, you lick me but don’t let me cum?”
“Oh no, it’s way more than that. The way I see it you have two choices: Either I do this again and you cum without telling me you were getting close in the first place -which will end up in me untying you and we can have some normal, old-fashioned, ordinary sex-, or you warn me that you’re getting close and you sit back and watch what I do. It’s your choice, really. But, you either choose one or the other. There’s no turning back.”
“…”
*starts licking her slowly for some minutes*
“…mh…ugh… ok, fuck it. I’m so close.”
*licks slower and lighter every moment until stopping after some minutes*
“What the fuck. Literally any kind of touch would make me cum right now.”
“Good. This would be number two. Keep counting.”
“What?! How many?”
*starts licking slowly*
“Ah. Fuck.”
—an hour or so later—
“F– F– Fif– Fifty.”
“Good girl. I think we’re done for now. Did you like it?” *starts caressing her hole lightly with his fingers*
“W– Wait. You– You’re not gonna let me cum?!”
“I asked you something: Did you like it?”
“Fuck. Ok, yes, I did. But, I can’t really think straight with your hand still touching me there.”
“Good. So, now, you have two choices again. You either go home and masturbate to ease the frustration, or you literally don’t even touch that little pussy until we meet again in two days. And oh, believe me, I’ll know what you chose.”
Omg. Phenomenal caption. My head is spinning
I’m never not going to reblog this.
It used to feel like I had to CONSTANTLY explain myself and carve out a place for nonmonogamy to be accepted out here. Scroll back through the archives and you can see the stream of anons I’d answer with a patience and tact that current me is frankly jealous of. We fought to make it okay, and it feels like (outside of representative idiots who are mostly on twitter and incredibly insufferable) we succeeded.
Years later, 10-20% of my inbox is people trying to force themselves or be pressured into polyamorous situations that don’t work for them. The pendulum may have swung too far, and I can’t believe i have to say this, but um… it’s okay to be monogamous, you know that? Nothing wrong with it. The massive majority of the human race operates that way, and it’s working for them! Nonmonogamy isn’t “more evolved,” it’s just another thing for someone if it works for them. If it doesn’t, that’s your prerogative.
You have to embrace the change and let go of what no longer is in order to be reborn.
Time To Mow The Lawn
Do guys still not shave their balls? That question is rhetorical because I hear far too often about Mrs. Bored Housewife having to go downstairs to find the basement hasn’t been vacuumed, in like fucking decades.
Seriously for the few men reading this. Pay attention. There is never, ever, ever an ok moment to have a ton of hair on your nuts. Period. Unless of course you want to suck them yourself. Then by all means, crouching tiger yourself and take a picture and send it here so I can post it on my blog.
Can’t suck your own nuts? Then just get used to the idea of a razor a few times a week up against the old twig and berries. Besides, honestly, it just feels better. A nice tight pair of family jewels encased in softness hugging your chones. Feels great.
Seriously how can you expect a pussy to be shaved when your undercarriage looks like the Rainforest Cafe?
Fuck that. I want her spending some time down there. Make a day of it. Balls. Asshole. Yeah, that’s right. Daddy keeps it nice and tight everywhere, and above all, clean.
Call me metro. I don’t give two shits. When I’m yanking your fucking hair with my other hand around your neck and anger veins beating from my face I think that whole “effeminate” idea will be out the window.
My routine: it goes like this. Shave anything that a tongue might get anywhere near. Gold Bond spray or Axe Forest Spray on the nuts and ass and chest. Axe Forest antiperspirant under the arms. Versace Blue on the chest, stomach, neck, wrists, and shirt. Shower at minimum once a day, no exceptions, usually twice. AM to wake up and PM to freshen up. I never fucking smell bad. Fucking Ever.
You dumb fucking couch potatoes with stinky nuts are the reasons Tumblr is full of unfulfilled wives. Enjoy SportsCenter with your hand down your hairy, smelly basket of disgusting.
Call me metro. Go ahead. You should remember that when your wife sends a picture of her wet fingers inside herself to a man like me while Chris Berman feeds you the same shit he told you last night. Your team sucks. Your wife is fucking the pool boy. Your nuts stink.
Fucking men. This shit is too easy with morons like you out there.
Sir's submissive 